15 Days and Counting

Well, here we are 15 days before THE DAY and I'm not feeling any better about it. Not that I care that I'm turning 60, acutally I'll be doing a happy dance on the 17th for several reasons. First, I'll qualify for a specific pension, secondly my investment guy suggested we start payout on an old LIRA which is fine in my books, thirdly I will have lived to reach this landmark birthday relatively intact...feeling pretty good about myself despite my crappy shoulder, liking my more updated look that my daughter is helping me pull together, and looking forward to my son's wedding next year and new quilt projects I'm dreaming up.

I think the hitch comes to the 'celebration' of the day itself. Last summer I was talking with my brother about gardens and lillies and stuff and he said I'll see the layout when we come north in the fall. Hummmmmm....I didn't know you were planning to come North. My sister from Sunnyville was also there in the summer and she handed me a birthday gift, all wrapped and festive saying I won't be able to be there for your birthday. Hummmm this is about the 40th birthday she won't have attended but she's never said anything like that before. So it leads me to think that "something is afoot". I did mention this to my better half so he knew I was suspicious (and still am), but so far he has been mum about it all.

At this point I was trying to explain my birthday trepidation, but it was just too convoluted and seemed so ridulous as this age that I decided not to write it at all. When I turned 40 my better half arranged a surprise dinner for me which turned out to be great fun. We had a different life then .... I was working and we had a few couples that we chummed with and now, well, things are different and I guess it boils down to my fear of seeing people who feel obligated to attend a party simply because they do know me and have been asked to attend. Now there's some insecurity talking!

There I've put it out there. I hope I can release the knot in my gut and just go with the flow, let things happen and just be happy I've made it to 60.

Not sure what will happen to the blog once the 17th has come and gone. I'm already suspecting it will simply wither and die having served it's purpose. We shall see.